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| what the HELL is going on.
Seriously. Sometimes I wonder why it's a good idea to have a boyfriend.
I feel like everybody else makes this look so easy. or it is so easy. I don't know why this is so hard for me.
I need to stop falling for emotionally retarded guys. seriously. it is not good for my health.
fuck. | | |
| This little limbo I'm in is fucking ridiculous. it's like the fucking pergotory of relationships. and for some ungodly reason I decided to give this one more shot. at first I was all for it, but now I just don't even want to bother. Tomorrow is going to be significantly awkward.
I need school to start so I can keep myself busy. I ran out of things to occupy my time. Let other things get in the way of my life. There will be no more of that. ever. I'm studying abroad next semester just to avoid this from happening for at least another year. And if it does happen it will t least be with a foreign person.
I am staying away from white/american guys for the rest of my life. simultaneously. | | |
| I'm annoyed. I was annoyed before, but before I was also confused. Now I'm annoyed and pissed. I was all for taking things "slow". I am a huge fan of taking things slow. I thought that meant you know, not seeing eachother too much, not talking too much. Easing into things. Not only seeing eachother once a week, and not talking for a week at a time. I'm okay with the seeing eachother once a week thing, but not making the slightest attempt of conversation until the next time we see eachother is more than annoying. And when I try, he still doesn't make an attempt. We go so long without talking, I have no freaking clue what the hell is going on. By the next time I see him, I don't know how to act, because I don't know if he lost interest, or if he's just emotionally retarded. So it's awkward. Then by the end of the night it's fine. But it starts all over again the next week. It's getting worse as time goes on, so I'm just gunna give up. If you like someone, you talk to them. You don't leave them in the dark. I don't play games. I don't like waiting. I don't like guessing. I like him, but not nearly enough to put up with this. I can find someone else who's worth my time. I don't want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be with someone I know I'll see again because they've already demonstarted to me that they're trustworthy and honorable -- and into me.
This is why I never ever ever ever get involved with people. Ever. Always a waste of time. Always. | | |
| I'm puzzled but certain. annoyed but pleased. excited but bored. infatuated but indifferent. I want his attention, but then I pull myself away. He talks to me too much, he doesn't talk to me nearly enough. I don't know what's going on, but I am so incredibly captivated above everything else and it's driving me crazy. and I don't know if I should tell him that, but I want to and I'm a disaster, this is why I stay away from everything that could ever possibly lead to a relationship. And for some reason I just fell into this spiraling black hole of attraction, and the fact that I'm not scared is scaring me to death.
I. hate. this.
and love it all at the same time. | | |
| Not sure what's going on with this yet. :) | | |
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